Ridiculous Emotion
by Raventhedarkgoddess
Summary: A RaeCy oneshot. It's not feeling the emotions that's difficult... It's realizing what they are and what they really mean. For the fans still out there, couple flames laughed at.


**Ridiculous Emotion**

_"You know, the stupidest thing you could ever do is not let yourself feel anything. Come on, there's a bright, beautiful world outside the window... Don't you wanna smile, Rae? Or is that something you don't do anymore? I know you know how... Come on, we'll even go together. I've got plenty of stuff I want to tell you..."_

_Funny thing for you to say, considering you'd never lead me out into that world now_, Raven Roth thought bitterly to herself. All because I say the worst things at the worst possible times... I mean, my feelings for you were and still are genuine, so why don't I just let things show?

_What is this ridiculous emotion in me right now anyway?_ She wondered to herself_. It's certainly not love... It's certainly not hate or jealousy... And I know I'm not happy... It's just a little pang, that tells me I did something wrong, and that's why we're not talking. That's why you've got your back to me... That's why your human eye is betraying you, letting you admit you're sad..._

She sighed and stood up. _Being in the same room is even too much..._

_You were right, though. About my lack of emotions. When I told you that it didn't make me happy, that I didn't like all those walks, all the time we shared... I lied. Of course I lied, and you could have seen right through it, but I know it hurt you anyway._

_That's the worst part about it, that I hurt you anyway. Or maybe the worst part... Is that I never said I'm sorry? I just wish... I just wish I could make myself talk to you._

_Either way, Cyborg... I'm sorry._

Having been unable to take the stress she felt in the tower, the urge to both tell Cyborg what had really been going through her head when she'd told him she felt nothing, including for him, and the urge to run, Raven said nothing as she made her way over to the edge of the lake and took her seat, eyes cast up toward the gentle glow of the setting sun.

_"See that sunset, Raven? Wouldn't it be nice to always watch them together? I mean, you're calm, I'm calm, we can just think and talk and be free from anything that would normally threaten to hurt us..." _

_And I did feel safe in your arms, Cyborg. I really did._

She sighed. "I never could have said it, though. I still... Can't get the words out. Can't get the words to come out right, no matter how long I spend thinking... Hoping..." She heard the falter in her own voice and let it trail off.

"I can't even say I'm sorry." Shielding her eyes from the sun, she prepared to stand up and walk back toward the house, but as she did, she heard a voice that caused her to crouch under the overhang of rock and listen.

"...shouldn't feel badly, Cyborg. It's Raven, after all. She does say things without thinking."

"I know man, I know. But... She and I spent almost eight months together. Every time I was with her, I thought about her needs, helped out with her problems. And she says it all flat... She just looks at me and goes, 'Listen, Cyborg, I don't feel anything for anyone, even you.'" She heard him sigh. "How am I supposed to take that, huh? She was..."

"I know. But listen, you can't go quitting the team because of it. You can't let yourself lose spirit. Even though she acts tough, she has emotions for you... She has tons of feelings under that shell. And she was starting to come out of it. You can't lose heart now, or..."

"Thanks for trying, man, but I know she doesn't really need me..."

"I bet if you'd go ahead and talk to her, she'd have something a bit kinder to say. You can't tell me you haven't noticed how miserable she's been without you."

"Yeah, I've noticed, but... I thought maybe it was just my imagination." She heard him pause again. "Any clue where she's at?"

_Why is my heart fluttering like this? _Raven wondered. _What... What is this ridiculous little emotion? Am I just protective? I know I'm nervous, but there's something deeper..._

_I **want **him to find me. Am I... in love? Is that what I've been denying all this time? That I'm really, honestly in love?_

"Out here someplace," Robin said vaugly. "Either way, I'll let you two be alone. Good luck, Cy."

"Thanks man." Raven heard Cyborg's heavy footfall, coming down, down the slope, toward her, toward her, toward her, until she thought that the silence and the sound of his steps would break her if she didn't open her mouth and say something soon.

"Hello, Cyborg."

"R...Rae..." He quickly cleared his throat. "Raven, how much of that conversation did you hear?"

She paused for a second, finally settling for looking straight into his eyes and struggling to control her voice. "All of it."

"And...?"

She sighed. "You guys are right. Cyborg... I didn't mean to say those things. I just... I confuse myself. I'm so, so used to being closed up that I can't ever just be honest, and then... I don't want to admit I'm wrong. But I am wrong... Very wrong. Do you... That is... I..."

"You're what, Rae?" He reached out and took one of her hands. "Come on, you know you can tell me. You don't have to close up all the time... You're so close to being free... What I"m trying to say is you can let your emotions out with me. I won't get angry. I want to know... I want to know how you're feeling."

"There's... This ridiculous emotion inside me. It wants to open up, to trust you. And when I'm with you... I feel better. But when I'm not... It's like this pain... I want to stay with you, Cyborg, I really do... And all I want to tell you is I'm sorry. I'm really, really sorry. I never... I never should have said those things. You... You've been so kind to me, and I just shove you..."

"Shh. That's enough. That's enough, Raven." He embraced her. "It's not a ridiculous little emotion... And I'm glad you told me. But... It's okay. This is just going to get better every day, I promise."

"I'm glad... I'm glad you're here, Cyborg."

He smiled and stroked her hair. "I'm glad I"m here too. But I have to ask you... Will it make you happy to stay with me?"

_That emotion again..._

"Doesn't it make everyone happy to stay with the person they love?"

Cyborg's smile just grew bigger, and Raven hid her face, resting it against his chest. _Thank you... Thank you, Cyborg._

**(END)**


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